You Must All Read This

[Matthew_McNally]

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a worthwhile President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves properly, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. ( Look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication (look up "interspersed" ) .

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2008.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are rubbish and it is for your own good. When we show you Japanese cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation. (look up "Cooperation")

[silvermate]

who the **** wrote that?

[blake918]

Yeah wtf is this?? If this is supposed to be some kind of joke, it's not a good one at all.

[Senna4ever]

AAAaahahahaha! I love it!

[99lsguy]

I thought we did elect a worthwhile president............

[SW03ES]

LOL, it is a joke, and it is funny. Gotta have a sense of humor ;)

Also gotta keep in mind Bush is very lowly regarded across the pond.

[steviej]

LOL, it is a joke, and it is funny. Gotta have a sense of humor ;)

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I thought it was really funny. I actually saw this a while back when Dubya's daddy was elected.

Also gotta keep in mind Bush is very lowly regarded across the pond.

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he ain't regarded much up in these parts either.

steviej

[SKperformance]

I find it funny as i am a brit a Canadian and Hate a dumbass like Bush.

Any president who proclaims " i am a war president with war on my mind " is an infinate moron who can only lead someone to their death.

Reminds me of the thing all mothers say. If your friends jump off a cliff are you going to do it also >?

Bush jumps but saves himself by having a noose around his neck.

[Senna4ever]

Also gotta keep in mind Bush is very lowly regarded across the pond.

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...and north of the 49th parallel!

[SKperformance]

I think every where but in the states

[Lexusfreak]

Being from Canada, I have to totally agree with number 7! lmao

The American people have spoken (well at least a tad more than 50% of them did anyways). I personally am quite happy that President Bush has been re-elected (even had the Bush / Cheney 04 stickers compliments of blake918...thanks blake! B) one in the car & the other in the front window of my home).

Congrats on your second term Mr. President! :D I'm gonna see if a new personalized licence plate is available for my ES (AIR4CE 1). :D :whistles: what do you think everyone? B) ;)

Cute posting Matthew.

P.S. You know one person I would LOVE to hear from right about now??? Michael Moore!! Despite all he did to try & sway the election this year with his one sided views & 'half truths', the President still got re-elected & it looks good on him! B) So far, Mr Moore seems to have gone into hiding.....anybody heard from him since the election??? Perhaps he can do another documentry on how he might have cost the Democrats the White House!! :P I bet President Bush would even give him an interview!! :whistles:

[blake918]

Brenden, pick this one up at your local Barnes and Noble: "Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man." I think the authors should add to the title "...that likes to hear himeslf talk." What an excellent read! :D I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone did a fine job of portraying him in Team America as well as the rest of F.A.G.(I can't believe they left out Barbra Streisand. I could only imagine the nose they would put on her puppet! BTW, wasn't she supposed to leave when GW got elected the first time...I think Alec Baldwin and a host of other actors that think America wants to hear their political stands said it too?? I'd love to give Barbra et. al. my credit card number so that they can buy a one way ticket to Afganistan. I love these actors...so true to their words!)! The movie wasn't as hysterical as most told me, but the stabs at hollywood, the UN, and middle eastern issues were great! lol I'll send you some of these black W 04 stickers when I get them(they should go great on my black LS). ;) What a great idea for a new documentry..also include how they lost the senate too; maybe some of the guys at Fox News would like to do it with a little help from Rush! I love it!! ;) :D

I laugh when people make all of these stabs at GW Bush for being a war mongral. Believe it or not the president doesn't have absolute power. He can only authorize force for 60 days without senate approval. Your senators should be getting all of the credit for the war since they are the ones that voted for it and sadly voted against the extra $$ for supplies.

I find that Bush is very well regarded everywhere in the US save California and the northeast. Right again, Agent! :D

John Kerry really is the candidate for everyone(this comes from a reporter at CNN which is a complete shock): http://johnkerryads.websiteanimal.com/

[dcfish]

Brenden, pick this one up at your local Barnes and Noble: "Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man." I think the authors should add to the title "...that likes to hear himeslf talk." What an excellent read! :D  I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone did a fine job of portraying him in Team America as well as the rest of F.A.G.(I can't believe they left out Barbra Streisand. I could only imagine the nose they would put on her puppet! BTW, wasn't she supposed to leave when GW got elected the first time...I think Alec Baldwin and a host of other actors that think America wants to here their political stands said it too?? I'd love to give Barbra et. al. my credit card number so that they can buy a one way ticket to Afganistan. I love these actors...so true to their words!)! The movie wasn't as hysterical as most told me, but the stabs at hollywood, the UN, and middle eastern issues were great! lol I'll send you some of these black W 04 stickers when I get them(they should go great on my black LS). ;) What a great idea for a new documentry..also include how they lost the senate too; maybe some of the guys at Fox News would like to do it with a little help from Rush! I love it!! ;)  :D

I laugh when people make all of these stabs at GW Bush for being a war mongral. Believe it or not the president doesn't have absolute power. He can only authorize force for 60 days without senate approval. Your senators should be getting all of the credit for the war since they are the ones that voted for it and sadly voted against the extra $$ for supplies.

I find that Bush is very well regarded everywhere in the US save California and the northeast. Right again, Agent! :D

John Kerry really is the candidate for everyone(this comes from a reporter at CNN which is a complete shock): http://johnkerryads.websiteanimal.com/

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We at Carnival Cruise Lines are not forgetting that a lot of entertainers promised to leave the country if George W.Bush were to be re-elected President.

With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who still want to keep their promise!

Attention: Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell and her "wife", Ed Asner, Janneane Garafalo, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Franken, Michael Moore, Cher, Phil Donahue, Rob Reiner(apparently still a "meathead"), Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, and the entire staffs of the LA and NY Times and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan.

You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq or some similar sunny location.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay... at least FOUR MORE YEARS.

Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.

Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, John Edwards as cruise director, and Gray Davis, as Purser (the guy in charge of managing the money). "the-RAY-sah" Heinz Kerry hopefully will be shoved somewhere below decks away from the media.

Monica Lewinsky will be the "Cigar and Cigarette Girl". Entertainment will be provided by the Dixie Chicks and Bruce Springsteen, and movies will be shown each evening by Michael Moore.

John Kerry will be our Life Guard based on his past experience of pulling people out of the water. He is also in charge of games and has eliminated "shuffleboard" in favor of his new game he calls "waffleboard". Be sure to pack your flip flops as you will need them while playing.

Ted Kennedy will double as Bartender and back-up Life Guard. He only qualifies as back-up Life Guard since his experience in rescuing people from drowning has not been too successful.

Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will provide inspirational services, and Al Franken will give inspirational talks each afternoon.

If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please contact Senator Hillary Clinton. Her "village" can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

"Bon Voyage!"

Is this a great country or what? It's called Freedom of Speech.

[SW03ES]

dc- LOL, thats very funny as well.

I do gotta say, I wasn't entirely thrilled with our choices this time. I voted for Bush in 00, voted for Kerry this year but wasn't overly heartbroken when he lost. Next time's gonna be more interesting, Hillary Clinton is gonna run, probably Giuliani, maybe John McCain.

[Senna4ever]

Here's a question: Can an ex-president run again and be re-elected? Can Clinton run again even after serving 2 terms? Can Bush the elder run again?

[SKperformance]

I found that funny as well.

But if Moore lied ,why is he not in jail for slander, lieing or misrepresentation.

[SW03ES]

Moore didn't lie, he presented his version of the truth. Politicians are pretty much exempt from slander laws, freedom of speech and opinion. Lying and misrepresentation aren't illegal unless you do it under oath. Think about Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, he blatantly lied about it to the American people, but he was impeached for obstruction of justice, asking OTHERS to lie.

Here's a question: Can an ex-president run again and be re-elected? Can Clinton run again even after serving 2 terms? Can Bush the elder run again?

No. There was a loophole in the constitution and it was more of a combination of a "gentleman's understanding" that a president not run after 2 terms served in office. Franklin Delano Roosevelt ran and was elected 4 times and after that new legislation was created locking down the 2 term limit. A president having served two terms cannot again hold the office of president or any office that would lead him to be president such as VP, pres. pro tem of the senate, secretary of state etc. Clinton could be a senator etc, but not President.

Now, the 2 term limit doesn't have to be consecutive, so Bush Sr. could run again if he wanted to.

The only time a president gets to serve more than 8 years in office is if heis the VP and becomes president because of something happening to the president. And even then only if the outgoing (or dead) president has something like half or less of their term remaining can the VP run himself for re-election twice.

[Lexusfreak]

I look forward to those stickers blake!! I'll give you my new address if you like.....just say the word B)

I'm sure it's been mentioned here before, but there is an awesome online game website called www.miniclip.com They have some 'election 2004' games that are a riot!! You guy's have to try the "hip hop debate" , " Presidential knockout" & the "Royal Rampage" games. I had to wipe tears from my eyes it was so funny! :D Click the link below & enjoy!! One thing's for sure......President Bush win's the hip hop debate hand's down!! ;) B)

http://www.miniclip.com/election.htm

[Senna4ever]

Now, the 2 term limit doesn't have to be consecutive, so Bush Sr. could run again if he wanted to.

The only time a president gets to serve more than 8 years in office is if heis the VP and becomes president because of something happening to the president. And even then only if the outgoing (or dead) president has something like half or less of their term remaining can the VP run himself for re-election twice.

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I'll bet Mr. Carter would win by a landslide if he ran again.

So, Johnson & Ford had the potential to serve more than 8 years, then.

Thanks for the enlightening, SW!

PS....no one in the Bush administration has denied any of the claims in F/911. I agree that Moore did edit the film to his own agenda, though.

[Lexusfreak]

My God, if we put Bush sr or Carter or Ford back in the white house.......we would have to sign them out of the "Home" first lmao..... :whistles:

[99lsguy]

I find that Bush is very well regarded everywhere in the US save California and the northeast. Right again, Agent! :D

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I've heard a large percentage of people voted "against Bush" rather than "for Kerry"-- which is okay, I suppose. <_<

It's the Judges in our country that determine so much of the very fabric of our society............I think there are some good ones, but sadly........there are many idiots at the top of the bench........

Teresa Heinz looked like she's been completed exhausted and dissappointed - she lost a little cash$$$$$$$$$$$$

[SW03ES]

I'll bet Mr. Carter would win by a landslide if he ran again.

So, Johnson & Ford had the potential to serve more than 8 years, then.

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Not neccisarily. So much of getting elected is getting the party nomination and support. Americans love their past presidents but they always tend to look forward. Historically presidents who have already served, then leave, don't do well when they run again. Teddy Roosevelt for instance was a well regarded president who didn't run for a second term of his own, but ran as a third party candidate against Woodrow Wilson and someone else who'se name escapes me. He lost.

Johnson and Ford could have served 9 years and 10 years respectively. Kennedy was shot in 1963 with 1964 being an election year. Johnson ran in 1964 and won but did not run in 1968 because of Vietnam. Ford took over for Nixon in 1974, ran in 1976 and lost to Carter. Most of that has to do with American's anger towards the republicans after Watergate moreso than anything having to do with Jimmy Carter. Much like Kerry Carter was "not Ford" and "not Nixon" and he ran on a platform of basically saying nothing and just using those things to his advantage.

[Thienn]

I love all these BUSH (or AMERICA) HATERS keep saying how dumb our president (or AMERICANS) is but the truth is that they are just envy of what we have and admit the fact that we are the only SUPERPOWER! So just shut up and get use to it; it will be another 4 years of W and who knows maybe Rudy G. will take care of bussiness after that:-)

[bartkat]

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Please remind your royal inbred monarch that she cannot resume something she never had duties over in the first place. Also please remind her hindness that a rag tag army of stupid colonists, who came here to get away from European oppression, beat the hell out of your finest red coated British army way back when. You might also remind her that we are still stupid and we like it.

Yours in liberty and good humor,

Bartkat

Member SAR.

PS. If you wish, I can foward letters of reply to those Brits who wrote letters to people in an Ohio town trying to influence our recent election.

:D :D

[SW03ES]

I love all these BUSH (or AMERICA) HATERS keep saying how dumb our president (or AMERICANS) is but the truth is that they are just envy of what we have and admit the fact that we are the only SUPERPOWER!  So just shut up and get use to it; it will be another 4 years of W and who knows maybe Rudy G. will take care of bussiness after that:-)

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Its also common for Bush supporters to imply that people that don't like the President are unpatriotic. Its that kind of bullheaded imperialism that makes me so afraid of Bush. Keep going on like that, one day the world's gonna rise up and put us in our place.

As for Rudy, I'd vote for Rudy. His politics are very different from Bush, he's actually a republican. Bush is a christian fundamentalist, not a republican.