Humor For The Weekend, Time To Laugh!

[PA350]

From AudiForums:

Hey guys, I've got a 98 1.8T. I've had a k04 and chip for a while and wanted to get more performance. I was recommended to port and polish the intake and exhaust. We found out they used abrasive material to do it like gritty sand. So I got with my friend that tunes Hondas and we decided to try it ourselves. We got a bag of sandblasting sand and hooked up into the intake and started the car. We had to hold the gas so it would run. He wanted to let the engine suck in the sand through the intake so it would port it out and then push it out the exhaust so it would port the exhaust manifold.

I was worried that it might cause problems but he figured it'd be OK as long as we didn't make boost and it get sucked in the turbo. After running the car and letting it suck in sand we got about half way through a 25 lb bag. The check engine light was on and the engine was bucking and kicking and sounding really weird. We stopped and hooked the car back up normal and took off the sand supply. We tried to start it again and it was really hard. Once started it couldn't idle and kept making weird noises. We took it out and drove it and it started to make scraping and knocking noises.

Help! Can anyone tell me what to do! My buddy only does Hondas so he doesn't know much about Audis.

[IS_Willie]

From AudiForums:

Hey guys, I've got a 98 1.8T. I've had a k04 and chip for a while and wanted to get more performance. I was recommended to port and polish the intake and exhaust. We found out they used abrasive material to do it like gritty sand. So I got with my friend that tunes Hondas and we decided to try it ourselves. We got a bag of sandblasting sand and hooked up into the intake and started the car. We had to hold the gas so it would run. He wanted to let the engine suck in the sand through the intake so it would port it out and then push it out the exhaust so it would port the exhaust manifold.

I was worried that it might cause problems but he figured it'd be OK as long as we didn't make boost and it get sucked in the turbo. After running the car and letting it suck in sand we got about half way through a 25 lb bag. The check engine light was on and the engine was bucking and kicking and sounding really weird. We stopped and hooked the car back up normal and took off the sand supply. We tried to start it again and it was really hard. Once started it couldn't idle and kept making weird noises. We took it out and drove it and it started to make scraping and knocking noises.

Help! Can anyone tell me what to do! My buddy only does Hondas so he doesn't know much about Audis.

That's gotta be a joke!

I found the original post...

Porting made easy...

There are some very funny replies. No one can be THAT stupid, can they?

[Gaugster]

Gosh, I just can believe that someone that foolish could pass the test and get a drivers liscense. I hope it was a joke.

It reminds me of the saying, "It is better to be born lucky then rich". Obviously that person had too much money and no brains or really stupid friends.

[JENunnez]

My brother's old girl friend had a '80ish Cadillac, she would open the oil filler cap and look in,if it seemed low on oil she would fill it up.

To the TOP of the oil fill !!!!

That's how she knew it was full. Then she would complain that the car had a bunch of oil leaks.

My brother set her straight about oil level. :chairshot:

INCREDIBLE but true.

[AZZURIE]

You cant believe he passed a driving test huh ? Im pretty sure this guy and ten of his friends follow me around constantly all day. I swear there are soo many terrible drivers out there.

The other day my girlfriend called me on my way home to warn me that some crazy person was driving northbound on a southbound free-way when i got the call i had to update her that it wasnt just one person everyone was driving the wrong way !<--- (joke)

[smooth1]

Have any of you heard the 911 audio tape of the girl that called in all panicked that the battery on her car just died. She said now the little button to unlock the doors won't work and she was trapped in the car. Could they send someone right away! At which time the 911 operator asked her to move the lever that locks and unlocks the car manually. So she reaches over and pushes the lock and the door opens. She is so relieved and thanks the 911 operator, and finishes with, "I never knew you could do that!"

Yeah!

[bartkat]

How about the drunk that called and said someone stole his steering wheel.

He was in the back seat.

[smooth1]

LOL!! Atleast he was able to find the car!

[dcfish]

Reminds me of a Blonde joke:

There is a blonde on each side of a river, One blonde says "How do I get to the other side", The other blonde replies "But you are on the other side"

[lambobaby1218]

Have any of you heard the 911 audio tape of the girl that called in all panicked that the battery on her car just died. She said now the little button to unlock the doors won't work and she was trapped in the car. Could they send someone right away! At which time the 911 operator asked her to move the lever that locks and unlocks the car manually. So she reaches over and pushes the lock and the door opens. She is so relieved and thanks the 911 operator, and finishes with, "I never knew you could do that!"

Yeah!

I'm almost too ashamed about this, but I must share. I had spent the weekend in Colorado, in a hot climate, with no a/c in the house, hadn't slept all weekend, and on my way home, in one of those vans that carries everybody from the airport, sitting in the front seat, I asked, how do you roll down the window? (it was manual). You should've seen the driver's face.

[smooth1]

Have any of you heard the 911 audio tape of the girl that called in all panicked that the battery on her car just died. She said now the little button to unlock the doors won't work and she was trapped in the car. Could they send someone right away! At which time the 911 operator asked her to move the lever that locks and unlocks the car manually. So she reaches over and pushes the lock and the door opens. She is so relieved and thanks the 911 operator, and finishes with, "I never knew you could do that!"

Yeah!

I'm almost too ashamed about this, but I must share. I had spent the weekend in Colorado, in a hot climate, with no a/c in the house, hadn't slept all weekend, and on my way home, in one of those vans that carries everybody from the airport, sitting in the front seat, I asked, how do you roll down the window? (it was manual). You should've seen the driver's face.

LMAO!!! Were you looking around for the little button with the arrows or the picture of the window on it? LOL!!!

[JENunnez]

Here's one for you:

Rick was in deep trouble because he forgot thier anniversary.

His wife told him that if in the morning there wasn't something in the driveway that did 0 to 200 in 3 seconds that she'd leave him.

The next morning he tells her to look in the driveway. She goes outside and there on the driveway is a small wraped box.

She grabs it and opens the box.

Inside she finds a weight scale. Ba Boom....

[IS_Willie]

How about the drunk that called and said someone stole his steering wheel.

He was in the back seat.

That reminds me of a story a friend told me about a time when he drove a tow truck for AAA. He responded to a call outside a bar, where he found a VERY inebriated young woman, who was upset and crying. She proceeded to tell my friend that she needed to have him unlock her car, as she had locked her keys inside. My friend walked over to the car, reached in through the OPEN CONVERTIBLE TOP, pulled her keys out of the ignition and handed them to her.

[smooth1]

Alrighty then!

Ok, here goes....btw....this really happened, I was there.

I was 16. I wanted to start working on my first car, but that meant I needed to make some money, so I started working at the shop for my dad. So, one day he comes to me and says he needs me to take the master cylinder and front brake lines out of the Mustang we had around back, and put them on the bench in the work shop so he could install them on the car he had been working on. This was about 9 in the morning. I pulled it all out, and put em on the bench about an hour and a half maybe two hours later. I go back to the side of the garage where I was pulling the head off this Pinto when I hear a " OH ^%$%#$ !!!!" and a huge crash. I turn around and Phil, ( a tech that worked for my dad) was sitting in the driver seat of the Mustang from around back, and the front end of that car had just crushed 4 of my tool boxes as it forced them right thru the back of the shop wall, and into my dads truck that was parked right up to the wall on the other side!!!!! Yeah, that wasn't a pretty sight! ( Actually, once I saw that Phil was ok, I thought it was hilarious and had to really fight myself from laughing so hard! When Phil got out of the car and everyone was running over to help and make sure that he was ok, and to find out what what the heck just happened, my dad comes around the corner and of course asks that very question " What the hell happened here?!" and Phil says" I brought the Mustang in for Smooth to take the brakes out like you told me too!" I busted out laughing,,,and said" I guess you just figured out I already took the brakes out huh?"