Happy Holidays

[GSsoldier]

Hey guys its been a while since i've been on LOC... new face lift looking greatt!!!!.... anyways dropped by to say happy holidays... cheers to all who have and contiune to have keep and maintain their lexuses in a pristine fashion.... please stay safe... please dont drink and drive... if u must please dont do it in a lexus hahaha....

[Dust]

Happy Holidays everyone!

[RFeldes]

Happy Holidays Guys and Gals,

NOTICE FROM SANTA CLAUS

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas and West Virginia on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; However, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' !Removed! dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union

[Dust]

[dcfish]

Happy Holidays Guys and Gals,

NOTICE FROM SANTA CLAUS

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas and West Virginia on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; However, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' !Removed! dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union

Felis Nave Da

[bartkat]

[Dust]

SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective

I.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18)in the

world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,

Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas

night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population

Reference Bureau). At an average(census) rate of 3.5 children per house

hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least

one good child in each.

II.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the

different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels

east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per

second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good

child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out,

jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining

presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get

back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around

the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the

purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per

household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops

or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per

second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the

fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4

miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles

per hour.

III.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that

each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds),

the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even

granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal

amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--Santa would

need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight

of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of

the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV.

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air

resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a

spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer

would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,

they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer

behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a

second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating

from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to

centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems

ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015

pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him

to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

[SW03ES]

Merry Christmas everybody, we're having a nice one here!

[kcpth]

Hahaha... Thanks Dust... u crushed my dreams of seeing Santa tonight.

Merry Christmas n have a Happy New Year... b sure to have a DD for New Years. ;)