Oil Change

RFeldes · April 12, 2006

Had my oil changed and went to Mobil 1. Seems smoother.... Anyway here's something that may brighten your day.

Subject: Oil Change instructions

Oil Change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

=========================================================

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH......

AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.....

"BUT I DO IT THE WOMENS WAY NOW-A-DAYS

SKperformance · April 12, 2006

lol :)

mburnickas · April 12, 2006

This oil change thing is from 2003, or there about, but still very funny.

RFeldes · April 12, 2006

I figured it was old since my girlfriend sent it to me and she keeps every E-Mail since 99. LOL but since I went to have my oil changed via "you know who" I thought it was appropiate. :cheers:

monarch · April 12, 2006

Here's a real life "Quicky-Lube" shop story from a Toyota 5 speed manual tranny truck owner on another forum:

On February 25th, I took my truck to a large national chain of lube/oil/filter shops (because of pending litigation I'll call it Quicky-Lube). On this particular saturday, the store was very crowded & hectic.....rather than wait in the crowded lobby I stood outside the bay and watched them work on my truck. The kid in the bay wasyoung, new, and overwhelmed...He couldn't find my oil filter and began removing the belly pan to look for it. I had to intervene twice; first to show him where my oil filter was and second to help him re-install my belly pan. I felt a bit bad for him....could tell he was nervous and doing his best but, still learning.

The next day, I noticed 3rd gear having a new "whining" noise. Over the next two weeks and 300 miles, 3rd gear progressively whines more. I mount a thorough search for tranny oil leaks....nothin'. On March 25-26, I drove 400 miles on a trip with my son.....200 miles into trip...bad transmission noises happen and I experience difficulty shifting. Never-the-less, I limp my truck home in 4th gear doing 40-45 on the

freeway...stopping every 30 miles to look for gear oil (I thought my tranny case housing had cracked or something catastrophic had happened). Upon arriving home, I crawl underneath and remove tranny fill plug. No detectable gear oil. I didn't pull the drain plug...but, pumped in about 3 quarts which didn't quite fill it. It is at this point I realize with horror that young man @ Quicky Lube probably drained my tranny. "Probably drained" becomes "Certainly drained" when I check my engine oil and it's 2.5 quarts over-full. I drain some engine oil out...bringing it within the normal range on dipstick. I go to Quicky Lube the next day & report my problem. ..they added a little more tranny oil and gave me a card for a free lube. The only problem is; my tranny, although a lot quieter, is still howling in 2nd, 3rd, and 5th....and it does not shift well from 1-2 & 2-3....other gears shift ok but, howl...loudly.

I write Quicky Lube a letter describing the defective service and my experience in the store that day...I respectfully request theyassist me in repairing transmission. They tell me to go pound sand up my !Removed!.... I'll be installing a another tranny this weekend & likely drafting a small claims court summons and complaint for Quicky Lube soon after that.