Marriage

ArmyofOne · January 7, 2005

Marriage Part I

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following ground rules:

"I'll be home when i want, if i want and at what time i want, and i dont expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner on the table, unless i tell you that i wont be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing whenever i want with my old buddies and you won't give me grief about it. Any comments?"

She replied with:

"No thats fine with me, as long as you understand this rule of mine: There will be s*x in this house every night at 7:00, whether you're here or not!"

**OWN3D!** (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!!"

________________________________________________________________________________

Marriage Part II

George and Pam have a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

George yells: "When you die, i'm getting you a headstone that reads "Here Lies My Wife-Cold as Ever!"

Pam Screams back: "Yeah?, Well when you die, you'll recieve one that reads: "Here Lies My Husband, Stiff At Last!!!"

(HE LEFT HIMSELF WIDE OPEN FOR THAT ONE!!!)

_________________________________________________________________________________

Marriage Part III

Mike, a Doctor, and his wife Angela are having an argument at the breakfast table. Mike gets up in a fit of rage and yells: "And you ain't no good in bed either!!!"

He heads to work extremely steamed, but calms down on the way. When he arrives at his practice, he calls her to apolgize. Angela finally answers the phone after about 10 rings! He is so irratated he can't stand it. He asks:

"What took you so long to answer the phone?"

Angela replied: "I was in bed."

Mike asks: "In bed, at 7? Why so early, what were you doing?"

Angela says: "GETTING A SECOND OPINION!!!"

(**OWN3D** Again...NIIICE.)

________________________________________________________________________________

Marriage Part IV

A man has six children and is very proud of that fact. He is so proud that he calls his wife "Mother of 6", in spite of her persistent objections. One night, they go to a party. The husband decides it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready as well. But she is on the other side of the room. He yells at the top of his lungs:

"SHALL WE GO HOME MOTHER OF 6?"

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, replies with an equally loud shout:

"WHENEVER YOU ARE READY, FATHER OF 4!!!

(OUCH!!!)

_______________________________________________________________________________

Marriage Part V: The Silent Treatment.

Randy and his wife Carol were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddnely, Randy realizes that the next day, he would need Carol to wake him at 5 AM for an early Business Flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next day,Randy woke up, only to discover it was 9 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go see why Carol hand't woke him up, when he noticed a piece of paper next to him on the bed. It read: "Its 5 AM, Wake up!."

________________________________________________________________________________

The bottom line is, Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!

__________________________________________________________________

My girlfriend sent me those...hope you enjoyed!!!